Reviews by RedShirt
Summary: Feature

This is purely fanfiction, my take on  WHN with this episode of a Bonanza story.  I am in no way associated with the authors, actors, or producers of the show-


Categories: What Happens Next?, Drama Characters: All
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 5551 Read Count: 2877
Published: 10/04/2008 Updated: 10/04/2008 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Excellent pacing, good chapter breaks to keep the reader wanting more. I'd like to hear a bit more of her back story -- Leslie seems like a grand young lady and a good character, but honestly I'd've expected a little more maturity and toughness out of a woman Adam Cartwright married.

That said, Adam Cartwright doing as he's told is the one line I really could not quite believe -- especially when it's likely that he'll suffer, and so will the woman he loves, if he doesn't speak up now. I know Adam famously doesn't let his thinking show on his face, but this is a wife of less than a year. He's smart enough to know they need to talk, if they're going to build a life together.

The scenes in the line shack struck me as well-written. Overall I like the pace and the story itself, but I wish more of Leslie's history were given. The scenes with Ben and Adam, and with Ben and Leslie, also rang true to Ben's character, as did Hop Sing's appearance, though I think we could have seen a bit more of him. Roy passing through the yard while Les is going to tend to Sport is a nice touch.

 

Date: 09/09/2017
Summary:

A routine day of rounding up strays turns into a comedy of errors.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.


Categories: Comedy Characters: All
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1667 Read Count: 198
Published: 06/27/2009 Updated: 06/27/2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

I like this story -- it moves fast, it tells a clean standalone tale, and it shows us the affection between all three Cartwright brothers (warts and all). It gives Hoss a chance to be a hero, Joe a chance to put a neat bow on the capture of the outlaws, and it puts Adam at risk without doing him real damage. 

It's written in a style that sounds true to the characters and while spare, it's got a good pace and a graceful narrative voice. 

Date: 06/19/2018
Summary:

A yearly ride that usually brings sadness brings something else this time.  (The choice of the main character is yours.)


Categories: Drama Characters: All
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2783 Read Count: 146
Published: 08/21/2009 Updated: 08/21/2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Very very nice. Evocative scenes and heart-warming results, and how in the world else would that biggest brother be remembered, and the memories rewarded?

This writer knows the characters and promises a future with a lot of hope in it; the narrative style is grown-up and clear, the writing well-done and the story well-developed.

Definitely a very very good effort!

Date: 02/28/2018
A Daughter Lost by deansgirl Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 19]
Summary:

What happens when Ben Cartwright agrees to take on the daughter of a dead friend?  A friend that was present when Marie had Little Joe?


Categories: Drama, Romance Characters: All
Series: The Daughter Series
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 9524 Read Count: 307
Published: 04/25/2011 Updated: 04/25/2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

I think I like it. I think I like her too. And of course she'd be a southpaw, if she's Joe's twin. But how is it that she's so ... self-contained, and he is not? Ah, nature vs. nurture. Now my quibble: I've raised two sons, and I was never anything but grateful they were boys (proof God knows His business, if you will); so Ben makes a big assumption there.

Now for the style and form -- spare, but illustrative, in a nice narrative voice for a mystery. A little understated, a lot endearing, and I'd like to read more by this author, even with different settings and characters, because the writing is clean and enjoyable.

Date: 02/28/2018
Summary:

When Little Joe searches for a friend against his father's wishes, he finds more trouble than he bargained for....


Categories: Prequel Characters: Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 9563 Read Count: 278
Published: 05/17/2011 Updated: 05/17/2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

What a well-told tale. Good characterizations of all the Cartwrights, and an enjoyable story on top of it -- especially once we see that all the injured boys recover. Thanks for writing this for us!



Author's Response:

Aww, thanks, RedShirt!  :D

Date: 08/16/2017
A Stranger's kindness by Lily of the West Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 15]
Summary:

a lonely traveling widow receives some assistance from a dusty stranger in black (who still has all of his teeth)


Categories: Romance, Comedy Characters: Adam Cartwright, Hoss (Eric) Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2248 Read Count: 207
Published: 10/16/2011 Updated: 10/16/2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: A Stranger's kindness Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Awwwwwww.

What a lucky babe. Also, what a perfect description of Adam at his best.

Thank you for this well-written, engaging story and the smiles it caused.

It's very cleanly written, paced perfectly, and altogether delightful.

Date: 03/22/2018
Summary:

They're all around me now just like I thought they'd be and I'm still no closer to finding a way out of this fix. Not that I'm looking too hard for one; I guess I'm still hoping that my family will show up to rescue me, but that mere flicker of hope in my heart is quickly dying...like I am.


Categories: Drama Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Hoss (Eric) Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2951 Read Count: 351
Published: 01/22/2012 Updated: 01/22/2012 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Well written. Fast-paced story with just enough left out to keep the reader going after the next tempting nugget. There's some good character development here with Joe and Hoss too, and the nifty thing is it mostly happens off-screen, so that it feels realistic.

I did have a tiny bit of trouble figuring out what Adam had really been doing away from the Ponderosa; evidently he wore that white shirt for somebody he expected to see on the trip to pick up the payroll, but we never find out how that went. Like I said, you're leaving out just enough to bring us back for more. It's a good technique and not one a lot of writers can master.

I like the vocabulary. I like the pacing. Keeping the moves in the fights straight is as realistic as is the effect of blood loss and concussion, which do make keeping up with one's own thoughts and consciousness a chore from time to time.

Well done!

Date: 07/25/2018
My Brother Adam by TLR Rated: PG starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 15]
Summary:

An entry from Hoss's journal based on the episode "The Crucible".


Categories: What Happens Next?, Drama Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Hoss (Eric) Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2030 Read Count: 253
Published: 08/06/2012 Updated: 08/06/2012 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: My Brother Adam Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

As soon as I stop crying, I'll be able to say how much I love this story. 

Some of the scenes and some of the words struck me so hard I could see and hear them, in three dimensions and real-time sound and, like the old NBC Peacock ad boasts, living color.

It's a beautiful story, written very well in a quiet and reassuring voice as true to Hoss's as can be. I love the word choices; the images and the action all fit the characters to perfection.

Thanks for writing this. Thanks for sharing it with us all. Thanks for showing us what we wanted to see, in the week after this episode, or somewhere further down the season just to help us know what happened to Adam didn't just leave its marks on him, but made a difference to all the Cartwrights.

If I had a quibble, it'd be that Hop Sing's contribution to Adam's convalescence --- there must've been teas, herbs, special meals meant to help him recover from that ordeal in the desert -- makes no appearance here; but Hoss would notice Hop Sing like a fish notices water, unless Hop Sing had threatened to quit. So again, the reality of the story is upheld, and the integrity of the character's point of view is true to Hoss.

Date: 05/13/2018
Summary:

For the first time in weeks, Ben travels to Virginia City. He's been summoned to the schoolhouse, and he doesn't know why.


Categories: Drama Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1526 Read Count: 223
Published: 08/06/2012 Updated: 08/06/2012 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

What a remarkable story.

There's a lot of insight into Adam here. I won't quibble with the timeline, because honestly I'm not too sure myself how old Joe was when the family lost Marie. 

The story flows well. The writing is clear and the voice of the essayist comes through in a way that matches with the age of the character, though (and here again is insight into Adam) the writer has taken care to make the character as mature as possible.  I'm also pleased to see the writer didn't include any potential jealousy between the boys over how long they did, or didn't, have mothers to love.

Yes, this is an intriguing and delightful tale, and the length and style are perfect.

Date: 02/12/2018
HEROES by southplains Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 25]
Summary:

Sometimes courage is found in the unlikeliest of sources, and sometimes answers are found in the tiniest things when all seems lost. A bank robbery goes bad, and the Cartwrights struggle to find a way to survive.


Categories: Action/Adventure, Drama Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Hoss (Eric) Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 15978 Read Count: 453
Published: 09/20/2012 Updated: 09/20/2012 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Beautiful story. Other reviewers will talk about the technique of the four voices; I won't except to say it's delightfully true to the characters.

What I will talk about is the unexpected gloriousness I saw in this well-told tale, written cleanly, with room for humor in the middle of a savage crisis -- and how perfect it is that the last voice is Hoss's.

Thank you for writing in the Haywords. They're the kind of periperal characters who are perfect at making a story come to life. Surprising folks who don't seem like you'd need them, until you can't get by without them. 

Your writing is sweet and your overall viewpoint is both reassuringly not overdramatic and startlingly realistic, its voice perfectly attuned to the demands of keeping readers in the atmosphere and among the characters we all know and love. That's tougher than it might be when you choose to bring each of their voices into focus for a portion of the tale, and weave those points of view together into a coherent and transparent whole.

You've made them a little less sugarcoated (and I applaud you for that) and you've given them worthwhile friends -- even the apparently worthless Layton turns out to serve as a good example of what to do when you're too scared to think, rather than acting out in a foolhardy way.

Thanks for writing this, and sharing it with us!



Author's Response:

Wow, Redshirt. You've made my month with one of the most thoughtful and beautifully written reviews I may have ever seen. Really, the only response that keeps coming to mind is: Do you write stories yourself?? Certainly you must. Anyone who can wield a reviewer's pen so eloquently simply has to be a writer. So where, pray tell, can we find your stories?? Going off to the library now to see if perhaps you've written any in the Bonanza world!  Thank you so very much!

Date: 05/13/2018
Invisible Mending by ansinico Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 15]
Summary: Feature

One day in the life of Joseph Francis Cartwright, or is it just a moment, or a week, or a year, who knows he doesn't...the day started well and then rapidly tumbled downhill...there will be trouble, a gal and of course some SJS...


Categories: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Romance Characters: All, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 18504 Read Count: 679
Published: 10/09/2013 Updated: 10/09/2013 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and I really like the second epilog. It's written pretty well, and the consequences follow, logically, from the events.

Modern first aid, pizza and beer (and that poor car's upholstery) explain so much! 

(Which glove does Joe wind up with?) ... And yes, I really could see the scenes of the whole family unfolding, and I really enjoyed those, too.

I wonder, has the writer ever heard a song by Marty Robbins called "El Paso City"? There are folks who think we're not all as anchored firmly in the seas of time as we might like to believe, and this story lends a delightful wave to that stream!

(I'd give it a ten, but my inner English major is listening to Adam copy-edit as I read).

RedShirt



Author's Response:

RedShirt, thank you for reading and for your honesty.  Your bracketed comment prompted me to read again the story and I must admit to cringing.  A dysfunctional childhood interfered with my basic schooling.  I am aware of my 'grammatical errors' and over the past four years, I have taken some online courses. I also have an app that nudges me and my grammar onto the straight path. I think I can truthfully say that 'one is never too old learn'.  It is my intention to backtrack on all of my previous stories and 'Adam copy-edit' as you nicely put it.  

That you enjoyed the story and have taken the trouble to review gives me joy - I am grinning as I type.

Funny enough, I am a fan of the late, great Marty Robbins - listened and sang along to "El Paso" many times but not "El Paso City" - must look it up.  

BTW, Joe ends up with the left glove. 

Date: 09/05/2017
Mariette by Pt29646 Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstar [Reviews - 9]
Summary:

We meet Mariette in the Bonanza episode, Badge Without Honor, and learn that the Cartwrights consider her part of their family. This prequel describes one way that situation might have come about. 


Categories: What Happens Before?, Drama, Prequel Characters: All
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5644 Read Count: 255
Published: 02/18/2015 Updated: 02/18/2015 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

     This story made me smile, and cry, and smile again.

     I could hear the anger, and the anguish, in Ben's voice when he came home to find Marie injured; I could see the worry in Marie's eyes as she watched Mariette make her way through a terrifying, frustrating time. I wished I'd had a set of McGuffey's handy, because that lesson feels like awfully heavy material for the 2nd Reader. Perhaps one-room school houses benefited from the cross-pollination of different ages and maturity levels among their students more than modern schools; I don't think a second-grade, or even a fifth-grade, reader would have so straightforward a treatment of death nowadays. 

   I thought the writing style suited the subject matter extremely well -- it's clean and sweet, and the story moves quickly.

If there is a trap for the reader, that's it: the story moves very fast over an emotional incident that might be, without hyperbole, considered the defining episode of Mariette's life. The message of faith in the ending adds a charm to the whole that's reassuring, and paints a very inclusive and welcoming scene for the reader to take away from the story; but I wonder if maybe this transformation, in real life or reel life, might have spanned more time before reaching completion.

   I kept looking for a connection between this little girl and her friend Hoss, since they've been playmates and visited between the ranches and shared cookies at church; I understand the logic, and the logistics, that make it more likely Adam will be the rescuer.  More weight for those shoulders -- but he seems to have a driving sense of responsibility at the core of his character, and I think little Mari turned out to be a very lucky child indeed to find herself at home among the Cartwrights.

 

Date: 10/14/2017
BLOOD AND BREAD by Marla Fair Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 7]
Summary:

Twelve-year-old Little Joe is late for supper. Hop Sing is hopping mad and Adam is none too pleased. When he heads for the stable to look for his brother, Adam expects an argument – what he gets is something else entirely. Something that begins in terror and rolls on toward tragedy. Will the Cartwrights ever be the same?

SJS,SAS,JPM,KIDNAP


Categories: Drama, Prequel Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Hop Sing, Hoss (Eric) Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright, Sheriff Roy Coffee
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 93030 Read Count: 139
Published: 06/22/2017 Updated: 06/22/2017 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 4: Part Four Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

I absolutely could see, and hear, every event in this story as clearly as if it were on the screen before me. I want to say thanks to the writer.

The adventure, the return to -- and more importantly from -- the sea! This is a terrifying and exhilarating story, and the absolute knowledge of how it has to end, because of the ages of the sons in the tale, is driven out of the forefront of the reader's mind as the story unfolds.

The language used -- and kudos for the Cantonese -- is perfect for the time and place; there's enough detail to paint in the scenes, and not so much that it overwhelms either the action or the characters, all of whom come to life so naturally.

Those are the positives. The single negative is that I honestly have trouble believing even six months is long enough for Joseph to recover from such abuse.

Most respectfully,

RedShirt



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review, kind words, and compliments.  May I say I an overwhelmed!  As to your negative, Joe has not quite recovered as you will find out in the follow-up tale, Keep Your Eyes on the Sun.  He is a resilient kid and has a family extra-ordinary, but there are still repurcushions from his time with Bosh that come to the surface as a new crisis looms. 

Date: 10/29/2017
Summary:

Ben arrives home to find Joe at death's door after a hunting accident, bringing back eerie memories from an incident he has tried for fifteen years to forget. Before the night is over, both he and Adam will have to face their inner demons. Written for Ponderosa Nightmares 2017. 

This story is primarily a WHIB-WHN for "My Brother's Keeper," but it also includes references to events mentioned in "Marie, My Love," "Yonder Man," and the Ponderosa episode "Secrets and Lies" (I ONLY use Ponderosa as canon when it does not contradict the original series at all, which isn't often). JPM, APM, SBS.


Categories: Action/Adventure, Drama, Prequel, What Happens In-Between?, What Happens Next? Characters: Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3798 Read Count: 164
Published: 10/26/2017 Updated: 10/26/2017 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Good read. Good story. True to the characters, and brought the events to life as though I were watching a (lost) episode. Fifteen years ... Adam would have been a boy of sixteen or so then, yes? No wonder he rode out with no coat.

Clean writing and a narrative voice that works with this story very well; the hints of dream/supernatural events are also not out of place, when you consider the narrator remembers this time as he lives through yet another night of fear and fever. Kudos to the author for the attention to detail, and the strength not to over-do the details in the critical spots!

Much recommended, very enjoyable.



Author's Response:

RedShirt, I've enjoyed your writing immensely, so I'm glad to be able to return the favor. Thank you for this kind and detailed review! "True to the characters" is the best possible compliment. :)

Date: 03/02/2018
Never Quote Me the Odds by Marla Fair Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 6]
Summary:

Anyone who has watched the episode 'Once A Doctor' leaves the story with one burning question - where was Little Joe when Hoss was thought to be dying and, ultimately, operated on? This WHN is my answer to that question.


Categories: Drama, What Happens Next? Characters: Ben Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright, Sheriff Roy Coffee
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 4326 Read Count: 34
Published: 02/06/2018 Updated: 02/06/2018 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Roy Coffee stars in a story where he's not expected at all, and does an outstanding job helping a stricken father and son understand one another in a crisis.

Good story, well written, and I like how you took the different characters' voices to show their points of view. It's a nice technique when it's done well, and it's done well here. 

I really enjoyed this story, and I think it maybe helped me like Joe Cartwright a little better, too.

I like how you've drawn the characters so quickly and surely. I like how no one's been left out who appeared in the original; and I like how you brought in a not-quite-outsider to help Joe through one of the roughest nights of his life that didn't involve his own brush with death. 

Well-done indeed!



Author's Response:

Thank  you for the wonderful thoughtful review and for your compliments.  I am SO glad I helped you like Little Joe a little more.  He really is a great kid.  Like all of us, he just has issues! 

Date: 03/22/2018
The Perfect Moment by PlatoofthePonderosa Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 8]
Summary: Feature

Sue Ellen Terry tries to figure out what love is. WHIB for “The Sisters.” 


Categories: Romance, What Happens In-Between? Characters: Adam Cartwright
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2169 Read Count: 72
Published: 03/10/2018 Updated: 03/10/2018 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

Well done. 

The point of view's consistent, the voice is real, the writing's clean, the story works as a deleted scene (or maybe even two) from the episode in question. I'm not sure Adam's quite as saintly as he's painted here, but in this one instance I can actually see that. This is the story that gives rise to the line, "Some women are worth a lot of trouble."

The writing here reminds me very much of Dickens. 

Well done.



Author's Response:

Thank you, RedShirt. I tried to write while hearing Sue Ellen's voice and patterns of speech in my head. I definitely don't think Adam's as perfect as all that, but through Sue Ellen's eyes, he might have been.

I appreciate your comments! 

Date: 06/19/2018
A Summer Day by Pt29646 Rated: Family Friendly starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 3]
Summary:

In this prequel nothing special happens to the Cartwrights until Joe takes it into his head to...

This is based on an incident in my uncle's life when he was very small. 


Categories: Prequel Characters: All
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2443 Read Count: 77
Published: 08/06/2018 Updated: 08/06/2018 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RedShirt Signed

I like this. It's a nice snapshot of a day in the life of a family on the frontier, complete with the kind of pitfall that most authors wouldn't think of.

I'm a little concerned with Marie's determination not to let anyone have enough detail of an event to be fully cognizant of its seriousness. Perhaps that's her parenting style; maybe that's how she herself grew up. Don't know, but would like to have some idea why she's so determined that no one discuss 'unpleasantness' with her. She's not a city girl without a clue about the reasons one talks over hazards and figures out solutions.

Shorty's a nice character too! (Little bit deus-ex-machina, but then again, you need one there, and he doesn't really effect the denouement all by himself.) I like his style: one the boy can't fall through ... unless he fixes a lid too heavy for Joe to lift on the other, that'll be quite a feat!

Good clean grammar, nice pacing, well thought-out characterizations for all the players on the stage. Kudos to the author for seeing that imitating his brothers' techniques isn't going to make Joe's writing more legible! 

Well-done!



Author's Response:

Thank you for reading and commenting, RedShirt. Marie was a city girl from New Orleans. I remember reading an old book on behavior for young ladies that conversations at meals should be pleasant always. It might be banal, but unpleasant things were best not mentioned. Aside frm manners, it helped with digestion.

Date: 08/31/2018